lesbo

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 02:56:18 GMT

so much in my life has changed that as i look back on past entries and old pictures, i can't even count the differences.

i've done things i never thought i would do. i've been at the lowest low, and climbed out of it. been through hell and back. but in the end i think it makes me a stronger and more interesting person. maybe i'm crazier and a little more fucked up than most, but i don't care. misery makes for great inspiration, everyone knows that

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 23:58:13 GMT

lexie: yes, the odds are against us. i'm a one woman wrecking ball, all i do is break you. your hand, your penis, your relationships, your life... i'd say our survival rate is about 3% and that's... that's bad. but it's not nothing. and i don't think we should give up on this, at least not yet because --
sloan: you think you broke me little grey? you're the one who put me back together.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 01:14:47 GMT

i'm finally watching the curious case of benjamin button but i think i am going to have to finish it tomorrow because i have been so exhausted these few days... i think i'm getting sick ugh, i'm always tired

there were two dogs running around my block tonight and my mom was like JESS DONT GET OUT but i did anyway because i wanted to see if they had tags... and they had collars, but no tags? what the fuck. i guess she was nervous cause one was pretty big and looked like a german shepard and she didn't want me to get bit, but they were sweeties and more scared than anything :( the other one was this little fuzzy yellow dog that literally looked like a minature version of a yellow lab. i hope their owners found them or someone took them in because i'm getting upset at just the thought of one of them getting hit by a stupid fucking drunk driver on new years eve

this year might be the first year since the new millenium i didn't stay up to watch the ball drop

my new years resolutions are as follows:
- eat healthier and exercise more, to lose the few pounds i gained because of my medication but also to be more in shape
- clean and organize my room, then keep it that way
- make more of an effort to learn new things
- use more creative outlets
- start meditating again
- try and be more patient
- visit the cemetery more

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 18:18:58 GMT

i'm not sure if any of you have ever read this but i love this and if i ever have kids i am going to frame this where we hang our stockings each christmas after they tell me they don't believe in sandy claws. this is a real letter, printed on september 21st, 1897:

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:32:29 GMT

i miss my grandpa :-(

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:02:55 GMT

saying i'm stressed out right now would be a huge fucking understatement elfjeklqfn;qklefoj

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:34:21 GMT

i am seriously not having a good day. they changed the way i get paid... bc i guess i'm classified as a "temp," they used to pay me every week and not have to take taxes out and everything, which was awesome. now i'm on the reg payroll and i could deal with the taxes, but getting paid every 2 weeks fucking SUCKS. it means i wont get my check until wednesday, which means we have no money for coffee/lunch tomorrow & wed., and i really was looking forward to going to ulta today after work :| guess not!!!

oh and spencer didn't even CALL yesterday, so obviously we didn't hang out.... i hate him i hate all men i hate EVERYTHING

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:12:06 GMT

when you feel as you'll never be able to go home again, start to build a new one. new memories are still left to be made

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:25:55 GMT

i love how just as soon as we're starting to make plans and it seems things are going good for a while, it all blows up in my face. dropping off the map and backing out like a frightened dog with its tail between its legs. why is it so hard to have a stable relationship? what is wrong with us?? maybe we just aren't compatible. or too compatible, but never in the same place at the same time. lacking serendipity. either way i smell disaster

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:02:22 GMT

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:42:47 GMT

crocheting a scarf
jacks mannequin on repeat
bones marathon
se7en comic books -- sloth
new hamster needs a name
i finally remembered his name
i wish i knew what song that was i heard today

angels and demons by dan brown

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:06:48 GMT

faith does not protect you. medicine and airbags... those are things that protect you. God does not protect you. intelligence protects you. enlightenment. put your faith in something with tangible results. how long has it been since someone walked on water? modern miracles belong to science... computers, vaccines, space stations... even the divine miracle of creation. matter from nothing... in a lab. who needs God? no! science is God.

i can't believe i never heard this before i can't believe my MOM told me

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:44:49 GMT

three things to never believe from a man: i love you, the checks in the mail, and i won't come in your mouth

seasonal depression

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:03:43 GMT

pretty eyed. pirate smile. you'll marry a music man.

i swear i should start keeping track because i bet it is exactly every six months that i get nostalgic for my first love. looking through old pictures, watching the videotapes of him singing... it always happens but it's been getting less appealing each time. maybe i'm finally learning my lesson.